What I thought would be mundane took a turn for the moderately more interesting last week. Even though things seemed to calm down after my first night on the job, this place is more than capable in finding ways to keep me on my toes. Last week, I met the Sphinx, and now my brain hurts from all the thinking she’s making me do. You can read all about it in the story below.
Aside from the Sphinx and her riddles, you’ll find this week’s announcements. The gist is this: follow the guidelines! Follow the guidelines and you minimize bad things happening to you out here!
Let’s get into it.
Hey everyone, Groundskeeper here to ask you all to FOLLOW THE FUCKING GUIDELINES. Seriously, they're posted everywhere for a reason. Sure, some are clawed to shreds, and others are spattered with blood, but there are enough clean copies posted that these are not acceptable excuses to not have read them! Since I’ve started keeping track, we’ve had six children go missing, and three adults who insisted on staying after dark have been swept away by the green mist. And this was only last week, as I wasn’t keeping track before then.
And don’t come for me. I’m new. No one told me about keeping track, I just figured I probably should and have now started.
Anyway, as to whether or not we’ll see the adults again remains to be seen. If it was my guess, the blood spattered across some of the signs probably belongs to them. I hope I’m wrong though. The kids are definitely alive, but they’re trapped in another dimension; you can see them playing around the Necropolis, but they can’t leave, and they can’t see you. I have yet to figure out how to get them out, but I’m working on it.
This announcement is specifically for those of you coming for events. You know how many complaints we’ve received from the grieving masses who bury their dead here? Not a goddamned one. Nope, it’s you depraved party-mongers who think respect for the dead doesn’t extend to you. I have half a mind to let the adults in the green mist rot there. The kids, though … I blame the parents. I’m going to do what I can to bring those kids back.
Last week, I mentioned I had a run-in with the Sphinx. She gave me a riddle to solve and I couldn't solve it. Then she almost ate me because I couldn't solve it. I went back to work the following night expecting her to be gone, so I could begin my exploration of the Labyrinth with my new set of old keys, but nope! Once I finished dusting and sweeping the Mausoleum, she was right there, back in front of the spooky elevator, eyeing me with suspicion. I went to walk around her, to avoid interacting with her, but she had no intention of letting me off that easy, calling to me as I attempted to veer away.
"HIIIIII! Are we going to have fun today?"
I froze in my tracks. I took a deep breath and slowly turned to face her. That half-lidded suspicious stare was replaced by a look of excitement and hope. She was almost giddy. I wanted to think maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but that image of her snarling and inflamed with anger was permanently burned into my memory. I shook my head and scrambled out of there as fast as could. To my retreating back, she said,
"Come back when you can answer my riddle. It'll be so much fun!"
I went home that morning and looked up the answer to the riddle. And much to my horror--which, honestly takes a lot nowadays--I could not find the answer online. All the big search engines failed me, which meant that if I wanted to get past the Sphinx, I was going to have to figure this out for myself. Okay, Keeper of the Necropolis, I told myself, you're the one with the big fancy title. That means you have to be able to do big fancy things. I stared blankly at my computer screen. How did that big fancy title come to mean I'd be dealing with a riddle-ridden Sphinx?
Continued below the break.
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The gift of time is, for many, an incredible gift indeed. Unless, of course, it is not a gift at all and arrives with a cost in excess of what one may be willing to pay …A tale from the Odds ‘n’ Endings Boutique.
The rest of the week went pretty much the same way. I sat chewing on that stupid riddle while I cleared out the bouquets or scrubbed some residual other-dimension gunk from the fridge in the employee hall or swept and dusted in the Mausoleum under the watchful eye of the Sphinx.
*When is a Queen not a Queen? When she's a princess? No, that can't be right, because then she wouldn't be Queen yet. Right? She has to sometimes be Queen and sometimes be this other thing? Or does she have to be the thing at the same time as she's a Queen? Is a Queen still a Queen when she's dead?
I thought death might be the answer, but I didn't want to risk immediate dismemberment, so one day as I was sweeping the Mausoleum, I swept my way to one of the doors at the far end and cracked it open before calling out my answer:
"Is it death? A Queen is not a Queen when she's dead?"
I watched her luxurious mane instantly burst into flames, with more flames pouring out of her eyes and smoke pouring out of her ears. Her voice filled the entire mausoleum as she said,
"Fool. No Queen rules in death. What manner of--"
But I didn't hear the rest of it, as I had already bolted out of there and was halfway to the employee hall before I slowed down. This riddle was going to be the death of me. What if another resident broke out, and I was forced to face her once again in order to grab a fresh coffin lid from down below, and I still didn't have the answer to the riddle? She would eat me, that's what would happen. She would eat me and I would die, and that would be the end of the Necropolitan Gazette, at least until they hired a new Groundskeeper.
I sat in the employee hall catching my breath, thinking about all the possible ways I might die, and how being eaten by the Sphinx might not be so bad when compared to lots of the others. While I was thinking, the answer to the riddle came to me. Whether it was on purpose or not, the Sphinx had given me the answer herself.
In the next moment, I was on my feet and running back to the Mausoleum.gas
That’s it for now! Thanks for reading. I’ll see you next week!
Greetings once again! Mad Alex here, proprietor and Master of Ceremonies of the infamous Carnival of Calamity. Little by little, our wonderful Groundskeeper is making their acquaintance with the colorful cast of characters who regularly visit the Necropolis from their own worlds. They all appear to be getting along splendidly as well. Isn’t that fine!
Well, I certainly hope you are enjoying yourself as you catch up with latest in the Necropolis. When you finish here, be sure to head Backstage at the Calamity to see what else we’re crafting for you.
Cordially,
Mad Alex
I get it, filling out surveys isn’t everyone’s thing, but you’d be doing me a solid if you let me know how I’m doing. With the Gazette getting started and all, this could be a really great time for me to figure out how to really nail it! But I can only do that if I know what you’re looking for. So what do ya say? Pretty please?
